Someone I loved gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift. (Mary Oliver)
Without this person, my artistic skills wouldn’t be what they are today, probably they won’t even exist. I’ve paid a high price for this. But who knows where I’d be if I wouldn’t have been given this box of darkness. Probably it kept me from going astray into even darker grounds.
At first, this box of darkness seemed to be just another song with attachments that led me to the face of this person for the first time. Later on I started to glorify this box. It took me away to worlds I had never known before, showed me what I was able to do and who I seemed to really be. In reality, I was just a mirror, finding someone else in myself.
Sunk deeply into my dazed, moonlight soaked world, I didn’t realize that the darkness started to take me over. I thought I had nothing to lose, thought this is the world how it’s meant to be for me, a prince on a white horse. I’ve let it consume my thoughts, my heart, and my mind. I’ve let it consume my life which I was ready to give up.
This box kept me caged in chains I was never able to get rid of cause they seemed to be made of an indestructible material. Every time I tried to escape, they became tighter until I nearly couldn’t breathe anymore.
Then one day, the chains seemed to disappear for a little time. I took my chance and tried to wriggle myself out as long as they were nothing but translucent lines. But as I did my first move, they immediately became solid and unbreakable again. I did this for a few times, but this box always kept me chained up, threatening to tighten the chains so much that I wouldn’t be able to breathe anymore, always waving at me with the face of a good friend and the last glimpse of hope I had.
Then, one day the day came where my thoughts drifted toward the darkness, and I realized the dark box had become and is just a light grey shade in a bright environment. A deep sigh of relief welled within me, and I knew the darkness was gone for good. I felt a great relief, now that I was free from this burden. Every now and then my mind wants to open the hazy shadow box once more but loses its interest again in the last second.
For now I dwell on the bright side. And I hope this box stays the haze it is, and maybe disappears completely someday.
I thank the person who gave me this box, for all the experiences, for all the things I was allowed to learn and see, for all the inspiration he gave me and still does.
But more – for understanding life itself a little bit better.
Without this person, my artistic skills wouldn’t be what they are today, probably they won’t even exist. I’ve paid a high price for this. But who knows where I’d be if I wouldn’t have been given this box of darkness. Probably it kept me from going astray into even darker grounds.
At first, this box of darkness seemed to be just another song with attachments that led me to the face of this person for the first time. Later on I started to glorify this box. It took me away to worlds I had never known before, showed me what I was able to do and who I seemed to really be. In reality, I was just a mirror, finding someone else in myself.
Sunk deeply into my dazed, moonlight soaked world, I didn’t realize that the darkness started to take me over. I thought I had nothing to lose, thought this is the world how it’s meant to be for me, a prince on a white horse. I’ve let it consume my thoughts, my heart, and my mind. I’ve let it consume my life which I was ready to give up.
This box kept me caged in chains I was never able to get rid of cause they seemed to be made of an indestructible material. Every time I tried to escape, they became tighter until I nearly couldn’t breathe anymore.
Then one day, the chains seemed to disappear for a little time. I took my chance and tried to wriggle myself out as long as they were nothing but translucent lines. But as I did my first move, they immediately became solid and unbreakable again. I did this for a few times, but this box always kept me chained up, threatening to tighten the chains so much that I wouldn’t be able to breathe anymore, always waving at me with the face of a good friend and the last glimpse of hope I had.
Then, one day the day came where my thoughts drifted toward the darkness, and I realized the dark box had become and is just a light grey shade in a bright environment. A deep sigh of relief welled within me, and I knew the darkness was gone for good. I felt a great relief, now that I was free from this burden. Every now and then my mind wants to open the hazy shadow box once more but loses its interest again in the last second.
For now I dwell on the bright side. And I hope this box stays the haze it is, and maybe disappears completely someday.
I thank the person who gave me this box, for all the experiences, for all the things I was allowed to learn and see, for all the inspiration he gave me and still does.
But more – for understanding life itself a little bit better.
.... I had to get this out. Found these wonderful lines by Mary Oliver today and just had to say something about it cause it hits the nail on the head. And yet this is just another try to therapy myself.
But everything's fine, don't worry :)
So where was I?
Had a dentist appointment today, fixing another hole or two... in the end it became a root canal treatment -.-° Now I have a temporary filling there and gotta go to the doc again on thursday to get it all finished... sheesh am I glad when these 2 teeth are done.
On wednesday I'll go to my bosses, bringing up some paper and picking up the e-guitar and in the evening going to see my 2nd mom and brother in Solnhofen. Will be a nice and cozy evening again, I know already now =) So looking forward to see them again, it's been almost 9 months now since I last saw them...
So... yeah, not much new here in the south. Life starts to go on again after waking me up way too early today... probably gonna go to bed early too =_=
So cya'll next time =)
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